


understand me (because i don't)

by MayWilder



Series: the gift of you [8]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Boys In Love, M/M, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Reconciliation, Stucky - Freeform, i think, parkner
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-08-10 13:04:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20135920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MayWilder/pseuds/MayWilder
Summary: The argument breaks open memories Steve has been trying suppress for a few years. That night, he and Bucky lay in bed together, Steve’s grip almost bone-crushing as he processes the emotions. He remembers seeing Bucky alive, touching him for the first time again, kissing him for the first time again…he remembers the sixth months Bucky was gone and how there was nothing that could make the world better until the Snap was reversed.Bucky is his life.He always will be.So he understands Peter. He encourages Peter. Because Peter needs Harley, or the world will never make sense. It’s clear in Peter’s body language, desperation, and words that he feels, at the very least, a fraction of what Steve feels for Bucky.





	understand me (because i don't)

**Author's Note:**

> this is a companion piece to a lot of "gift of you" because it spans a couple years, but mostly it's about the direct aftermath of Harley's kidnapping!

After the Snap, Steve and Tony’s relationship needs a lot of repairing. Their first meeting goes terribly, with a weakened Tony arguing with Steve about betrayal, and Steve insisting on the need to repair bridges. It takes a long time for them to come to the agreement, but it’s a big step in the right direction.

The following sixth months are even better.

By the time that Tony cracks the code to time travel, they’re back in a really good place. They celebrate together, a hug and a cry of relief and brotherhood restored. Steve doesn’t believe where he’s at in the world is now a real thing; Tony and he are friends again, Bucky and Sam and Wanda are back, and…

He can go home.

“So, these are your quarters.” Tony motions around him. “It’s like a two bedroom apartment, I guess, you have everything you need here. Your bedroom is in there, and there’s an office for if you, Steve. Your access codes get you into basically everything except everyone’s personal quarters during the night. I’m the next wing over, call Friday if you need anything.”

“Thank you, Tony,” Bucky says, voice gentle. “I, um, I don’t know how to express how grateful I am—"

“Don’t mention it,” Tony responds. “Seriously, all of us being apart? It feels wrong, after everything. Clint’s even moving his family here, which says a lot.”

Steve chuckles. “I was thinking family breakfast in the morning. You up for it?”

Tony surprises him by saying yes.

And Steve thinks that’ll be the end of it. Their family is back together, he and Bucky won’t ever be torn apart, and life is good.

Except…the kid.

The kid, _Tony’s kid_, hates him.

Every time Steve walks into a room, Peter sours just a little bit. He watches Steve like a hawk if he’s in the same ten foot radius as Tony, often suddenly needing Tony’s attention so that the two friends are physically separated by the teenager. Steve doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do.

“What’s wrong?”

Steve looks up from his report to see Bucky leaning against the doorframe of his office. “Hmm?”

“I asked you what’s wrong,” Bucky repeats. “You look more stressed than usual. You're also still writing a report, which is odd, because you normally come straight to bed after a mission if we don't take it together.”

The thought makes Steve blush. “I just…the kid.”

Bucky sighs.

“So you see it too!”

“Doll…” Bucky comes forward slowly. “You need to remember something. We all call Peter Tony’s kid. He is, wholeheartedly. And the last thing he knew about you was that we beat up his dad, and you left him to die in Siberia. That leaves an imprint, one he can’t just easily shake.”

“But Tony and I are fine now.”

“Oh, and you’re unfamiliar with the concept of holding a grudge of behalf of someone you love?”

Steve scowls. “I just…Tony and I are fine, _good_. We’re brothers again. And this kid is supposed to be like my nephew, and he hates me. If he’s the reason Tony and I were brought back together, something to bond over, he could be the reason we’re pulled apart.”

Bucky is close enough that he kneels by Steve’s chair now, taking his hand. “Stevie, he is sixteen years old. He has lost a lot of family. Is he supposed to look kindly on the man that tried to take away someone he loves?”

“Well, I suppose not,” Steve answers, completely aware of the message Bucky’s trying to get across. He places his hand on his partner’s cheek, rubbing a thumb down the cheekbone. “I waited eighty years to see you again. I guess I can deal with a teenager growing up before he decides to tolerate me.”

Bucky kisses his hand. “Come to bed.”

“Sir, yes sir.”

**)-(**

It happens slowly, painfully slowly.

First, Peter’s aunt dies. Steve respects the space that Peter needs and backs off for months, until the kid gets used to permanently living with Tony and Pepper.

And then, the Starks get there for the summer.

And Tony wants Steve to train him.

“The kid can’t stand me,” Steve says. “What makes you think I’m the good choice?”

“Because you trained to learn how to manage your strength,” Tony says. “He needs to be able to fight without breaking someone’s neck, and you're the only one with altered genetics that are similar to Peter's.”

“What about Buck? He thinks Buck is great.”

Tony and Bucky exchange looks.

“Are two wanting me to train him so we’ll _bond_?”

Tony grins unashamedly.

**)-(**

It starts to work.

For three years, Peter’s trust of Steve slowly grows. He stops physically placing himself between the two friends. The kid goes to college, learns how to be Spider-Man, trains…and falls in love with one Harley Keener. And while Steve would never wish harm on anyone, there’s a part of him that’s grateful for the events that follow.

Harley gets kidnapped, taken to a country where the Avengers simply can't go without starting a war. Peter, brokenhearted and terrified, threatens that very war if they don’t find a way to get Harley back.

_Steve surges forward. It only takes him two seconds to catch up to the young superhero and grab at his arm. “Peter, think about this, you can’t just—_

_“No!” Peter yells, jerking back from Steve. He looks feral when he gives the captain a hard shove in the shoulders. “You tore apart half of Europe for the chance that your boyfriend would retain some of his goddamn memory of you. You tore apart the Avengers, you shoved your fucking shield into my father’s heart for him, and yet you’re standing here telling me that I can’t do a thing about it? Fuck you, Rogers.”_

The argument breaks open memories Steve has been trying suppress for a few years. That night, he and Bucky lay in bed together, Steve’s grip almost bone-crushing as he processes the emotions. He remembers seeing Bucky alive, touching him for the first time again, kissing him for the first time again…he remembers the sixth month Bucky was gone and how there was nothing that could make the world better until the Snap was reversed.

Bucky is his life.

He always will be.

So he understands Peter. He encourages Peter. Because Peter needs Harley, or the world will never make sense. It’s clear in Peter’s body language, desperation, and words that he feels, at the very least, a fraction of what Steve feels for Bucky.

“You know I could never let you go again, right?” Steve whispers in the dark. “Not after…not after this.”

“I know,” Bucky assures him. “We’ve had this time together, and I don’t think I could live without it again.”

They stay awake all night, holding each other.

**)-(**

The next morning, Peter Parker knocks at the door.

“Captain Rogers?” he asks, wiping at his nose. “Do you have a moment to talk?”

“Of course, Peter,” Steve says in surprise. “I thought you’d be with Harley right now.”

“I was,” Peter nods. He twists his hands together. “I just, um…I felt that I need to apologize. For last night, I mean. I was obviously worked up, and Harley, he proposed a couple days ago. I told him I didn’t know if we should get married yet because we’re young and he's still getting better, and...I was so angry with myself. I took it out on you.”

“But you were right about everything you said.” Steve sets a hand on his shoulder. “I did tear apart my family and betray my country for love. I should have supported you from the beginning because I would do it again, despite everything.”

Peter blinks, and a tear falls.

“Peter, it’s okay,” Steve promises. “You don’t have to apologize, alright? I understand.”

“I know,” Peter sobs out. He looks up in misery. “You’re the—the only one who understands. I was _so angry_, Steve…I-I-_I wanted to kill them_. I was ready to kill them all for hurting him. I didn’t care who was harmed in the process because they took him, they _took_ Harley, and nothing mattered beside getting him back. I don’t know what to do with it, Steve, I was so scared, angry, _and-and scared—_

Peter succumbs to his sobs, leaning forward so Steve is the only thing preventing him from hitting the ground. He’s shaking, loud sobs wrecking the young body while he clings to Steve. “Kid, I know, its okay—

“No, I can’t—_what would I have done? What would I have done to them?_”

The guilt, its something Steve knows. It’s frightening, more than anything else, to know that you would betray everything around you for one person. That the rest of the world could burn and the only thing you care about is whether or not that one person is okay. You don’t know what you’re capable of until you’re put in that situation…

“But it doesn’t make you a bad person,” Steve says, holding Peter close. He looks across the apartment, to where Bucky is watching sadly from the doorway of their bedroom. “Just because you choose to love someone else above the rest of the world, doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. We are capable of bad things, Peter. It’s human nature. There’s more to it, however. The world…it’s nuanced. Because for every reckless, selfish choice you make, you, Peter Parker, make a good one. You save people every day, you take care of your family and you show love to the people around you. You sacrifice your own wants and desires all the time, I see it.

“And so, if the man you loves is going to be taken from you, you _fight_. You don’t let it happen. Because he is what brings you home at the end of the day. He’s what’s left when the rest of the world fades away. Loving someone this way doesn’t make you a bad person. _It’s what makes you so good_.”

And so, Peter cries in Steve’s arm until the guilt ebbs away.

**)-(**

Three days later, Peter shows up in the gym at eight in the morning.

“Hey, kid,” Steve says in surprise. “What’s up?”

“I, um—I thought we could work out together?” Peter scratches at the back of his neck. “I just…yeah. I thought we could work out together.”

Steve holds in a cheer of _Finally,_ and simply nods his head. “Of course, Queens. If you can keep up.”

“Oh whatever, Old Man.”


End file.
